Gold's Seven Point Breeding Guide of SUPER DUPER AWESOMENESS
by Lord Pikachu
Summary: Gold jokes his way through his own Pokemon lecture program; and suffers accordingly.


_Author Note: Some people requested I do a Seven-Point Guide with Gold on the subject of breeding, (an expertise that suits the little pervert perfectly.) So here it is. Enjoy I implore thee._

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-Gold's Seven Point Breeding Guide of SUPER-DUPER AWESOMENESS-

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_(The following message should be read very fast)_: **FBI WARNING: FEDERAL LAW PROVIDES SEVERE AND CRIMINAL PENALTIES FOR THE UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION, DISTRIBUTION, OR EXHIBITION OF COPYRIGHTED MOTION PICTURES, VIDEO TAPE, OR VIDEO DISCS. CRIMINAL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT IS INVESTIGATED BY THE FBI AND MAY CONSTITUTE A FELONY WITH A MAXIMUM PENALTY OF UP TO FIVE YEARS IN PRISON AND/OR A $250,000 FINE.**

**NOTICE: THIS LECTURE SERIES WAS INTENDED TO STAR A MORE REFINED INDIVIDUAL. BELIEVE US, IT WAS.**

**NOTICE: IN ORDER TO PROTECT OUR YOUNGER AUDIENCE'S INNOCENCE, WE HAVE BEATEN THE STUFFING OUT OF OUR STAR ON CERTAIN OCCASIONS. THANK YOU.**

_Introduction:_

All right! Somebody actually bought this tape! BOO-YAH! Alright then, I'm Gold, and this is-

...Huh? Oh, wait a minute, someone's talking to me... What it is, clipboard weenie?

...Oh yeah! I was supposed to read from this scripty-thing... Where'd I put it...? Um... ah... Ah! Here it is, in my pants!

Eh... it's a little smudged, but I think I can make it out... Let's see... I think it says: _"Wekcome to the secdon instamen in Pukécast's hand brew series: Steven-Poop Pokemon Lectures! I'm old, and this is dour Beeping Guide. Please enyoy!"_

...Is this some code I don't know about...?

**Breeding Secret 1: Create Happy and Comfortable Environments for your Pokemon who are Parents-to-Be!**

Okay, this is good advice people; do follow it. Because if your Pokemon are all stressed out and edgy, you're never going to get a baby! No matter how hard or how long you try! After all, how can they get down to- eh... "making the baby"... when they're all uncomfortable? Catch my drift?

...Hey! I just came up with a great slogan for that subject: Keep your Pokemon satisfied, and they'll keep each other satisfi- OW! Hey, watch it man! Those pencils are sharp!

Anyway, before we move on to the next tip I have one more thing for the guys who are watching; if your doing this thing co-op with your girlfriend or something, make sure these "environments" your creating aren't too mushy or girly or anything like that! Because if they are, she's gonna get all creepy on ya and start asking for hugs, and hand holding, she's gonna make you say you love her, and other weirdo stuff! BEWARE!

**Breeding Secret 2: Give your Pokemon Plenty of Privacy!**

...Pfffttt! Haha! "Pokemon, Plenty, Privacy"! They all start with 'P'! Ha! That's hysterica- OW! What I tell you about that pencil?!

Er, anyway, this piece of advice is also quite good, I recommend taking it into your consideration when deciding to breed your Pokemon. A Pokemon Day-Care is good spot for breeding because the Pokemon can be left alone most of the time; the caretakers just feed 'em three times a day. Though never fried eggs I'm sure! Haha! Because that would just be- OW! STOP THROWING PENCILS AT ME!

**Breeding Secret 3: Once your Pokemon have Laid their Egg, make sure to Keep it Safe and Warm!**

This one's a no brainer; obviously you have to take care of your egg! You'd have to be an idiot not to!

When it comes to warming the egg so it hatches nicely, personally I think a nice, airy pocket of your backpack is your best bet if your going to be traveling around. Just make sure you handle the bag gingerly! After all, you don't want scrambled eggs on your hands! Haha!

Now we can move on to- OW! NOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT JOKE?!

**Breeding Secret 4: Model Good Behavior for Your Egg!**

Psh! This one's stupid; don't bother listening to it. It's all propaganda to get people to behave themselves in public! C'mon, there's no way that the Pokemon inside the egg is going to care - much less be affected by -what behavior you mod- OW! Hey! Togetaro! Give me back my hat! Hey! Give it- OW! MY EYES! MY EYES! AHHHH!

-After a quick hospital trip and emergency surgery-

**Training Secret 5: Keep your Egg Near an Air of Cheerfulness!**

Alright, I won't be able to see a thing for a few days... but I had this clipboard weenie dude read me the title of this tip. And it's a fairly important one you know! Because eggs will not hatch when placed say, over lava! So save your battles with Clair and Blaine until you're through with your breeding! Boiled eggs aren't as good as you'd think in this case! Now then I'll move on to- OW! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I'LL STOP IT WITH THE EGG JOKES!

**Breeding Secret 6: When your Egg Hatches, you Must be Very Gentle with your Pokemon for the First Few Days!**

Mm? Wha? We fiming?! Ay, you tode be we were taking a bwake! I'm eating a ot-dog now!

-Twenty minutes later-

**Breeding Secret 6: When your Egg Hatches, you Must be Very Gentle with your Pokemon for the First Few Days!**

*_Slurp_* *_Slurp_* Eh? What? We're filming _again_?! But can't I finish my soda first?

-Twenty minutes later-

**Breeding Secret 6: When your Egg Hatches, you Must be Very Gentle with your Pokemon for the First Few Days!**

Do we have time for ice cream...?

-After another emergency surgery-

**Breeding Secret 6: When your Egg Hatches, you Must be Very Gentle with your Pokemon for the First Few Days!**

You know, it really isn't that easy using crutches when you can't see a thing... I fell down the stairs twice already, and Dia keeps stealing candy right outta my pocket! Sigh...

Anyway, this training secret is pretty important in raising a good Pokemon. You can really ruin the potential friendship you have here if you try to push your Pokemon too hard. Especially at such an early age.

But if you want to keep your new Pokemon exercised during this infant time period, games like hide-and-seek and tag are some good options. Though if you're playing tag, be careful; you may end up stepping on Pokemon inadvertently. This scenario often happens with smaller monsters; so be very careful! Now I want to move on to- OW! WHAT?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH GIVING A WARNING TO THE PEOPLE?! I'M BEING HELPFUL!

**Breeding Secret 7: Treat your New Pokemon Well!**

Probably the most important point on this list! Always treat your Pokemon - especially the baby ones - kindly! It'll pay off in the end, I promise!

Alright! We're about done! So after you know all this advice listed here by heart, get out there and start breeding man! And just so you know, chicks dig guys who are good family men; so- OW! NOW WHAT?!

_Ending_:

So Gold received his promised paycheck from Pokecast for his lectures, spent it all on his numerous medical bills, and went back to being dirt poor. By the way, after the video he developed a deep-seated fear of acupuncture. But that's another story.

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_Author Note: Hope it was alright. Next up is Ruby; but that won't be out for a while, sorry. I appreciate reveiws._

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**If you enjoyed this lecture, check out these other great videos from Pokecast!**

**_-Green's Seven Point Training Guide of SUPER-DUPER AWESOMENESS-_**

_**-Ruby's **__**Seven Point Contest Guide of SUPER-DUPER AWESOMENESS-** (coming soon)_

**-Red's ****Seven Point Battle Guide of SUPER-DUPER AWESOMENESS- **(coming soon)

**Thanks for reading!**


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